Our Beliefs Must Change First
The first step in solving a problem in our life or improving an aspect of our life is to truly be willing to change. But what exactly is it that must change? It’s something on the inside, not on the outside. Before we can experience any outer change in our life, the root source of the issue must change first. And that root source is always an inner belief.
A belief is simply a thought we keep thinking until it becomes so strong and habitual that we don’t question it anymore – for us, it is the truth. (This also means that in order to change our present reality, we have to question what we believe to be true.)
Our beliefs create our reality. If we believe that people are ultimately good and can be trusted, our experience of people will be one of joy and safety. If we believe that we will easily find a wonderful new home, it will be so. If we believe that we are beautiful and lovable, those around us will constantly reflect this to us.
What We Think Is the Problem Is Rarely the Real Problem
When we are experiencing a circumstance or “problem” in our life that we are unsatisfied with, such as not making enough money, feeling fat or ugly, being blamed/criticized all the time, or having health issues, change begins by exploring the underlying thoughts that are creating these outer experiences. As the wise Louise Hay says, “‘The problem’ is rarely the real problem.”
For example, the circumstance of not having enough money is not the problem itself. The real problem is believing thoughts such as “People who have money are bad and corrupt” or “I am not deserving of money” or “It is hard for me to earn money.” Those who hold such beliefs will inevitably prevent themselves from having too much money (for fear of being bad), or constantly lose money (because they are not worthy of keeping it), or find it difficult to earn money (because they are so incapable).
These faulty, yet deeply held, beliefs are naturally mirrored in the outer circumstance of not having enough money. Therefore, it is within the mind that the real problem and real solution lies.
Most people waste time and energy trying to change the outer circumstance without addressing the inner belief. They will create a budget or try to find a better paying job, or only wear brand name clothing, or go on yet another diet, or shun “negative people” from their lives, or break up with “that asshole”, or take harsh medicines. Sometimes these measures indeed help relieve the situation, but inevitably, the problem will resurface again. Because the root source of the problem has not been addressed.
Once again, the root source of any perceived problem is only a thought, a belief, a pattern of the mind. If we want to change anything in our lives, we must be willing to change our minds.
Exercise: “I Am Willing to Change”
Before we can dig out the beliefs and thoughts which are at the root of an issue we want to change, a bit of inner preparation is necessary. This preparation is two-fold: First, we must cultivate a genuine a willingness to change, and second, we must release our resistance to change. (The latter step will be addressed in a later blog post.)
As for the first step, I invite you to try this simple yet powerful exercise to begin the process of change:
Say to yourself several times a day, “I am willing to change.” This affirmation helps you recognize YOURSELF as the true source of change, and not anyone or anything else. Louise Hay suggests touching your throat, which represents the center of transformation in the body, while repeating these words.
Mirror Work and Resistance to Change
It is also recommended to look in the mirror as you practice this. The mirror helps reflect back to you what is truly going on inside. Simply notice how you feel as you look deep into your eyes and say, “I am willing to change.”
What emotions come up? What thoughts come up? Breathe and relax as you acknowledge their presence. These emotions and thoughts are just information telling you what needs to be released in order for the change you desire to occur. Another word to describe the discomfort we experience before and during the process of change is “resistance.” (We’ll also dive into this in a later blog post.)
Be Kind to Yourself
As we all know, change is not always easy. It is so important to be kind to yourself during this process, and not to beat yourself up for whatever arises or for how long it takes to see changes. Instead, congratulate yourself for being willing to change something in your life that you are not completely happy and satisfied with. Tell yourself how brave and strong and patient you are for going through this deep internal process, rather that attempting to blame or change things on the outside.
Our being responds to our own love and kindness more than anything else. Therefore, in my experience, being loving and kind to yourself as you go through change is the most important factor in your success.
Over to You
In the comments below, share what you are committed to changing in your life and what thoughts and emotions arise as you practice this exercise. We can all benefit from sharing our stories and experiences. If you’re looking for personal coaching support as you change your life, click here.